Connection before Correction by Valerie Cheers Brown

Do you think that connection before correction should begin in the home place?

What if parents actually listened more instead of blaming them all of the time or even telling them they are wrong?

What if we listened to our children when they begin talking instead of us talking why they should listen to us because we are the adult?

What if we allowed them to ask questions more?

What if we allowed them to have their opinions and not be afraid of expressing their thoughts.

Is it true that no question is a silly question?

Or what about an idea, is there a such thing as a silly idea?

Should we as parents begin to let our children use their own expression of feelings, using critical thinking and having their own views with their own ideas being a part of the the discussion rather than correcting them all the time?

Isn’t love the most important thing to give when our children are babies?

Does giving love make you a better adult?

Do we learn how to receive love when we get love?

Doesn’t it all begin in the home with our kids?

Shouldn’t we as adults stop faulting and blaming society for our failure when raising our own kids which became our responsibility even while conceiving?

Well, connection before correction is an important subject to talk about I think.

According to psychologists, Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, ” A feeling of having a place and noteworthiness” allows kids to (develop or grow, feel safe, flourish or thrive) best when they feel association.

Do we as parents maybe over protect our children to the point that when they get out into the real world, some of them know nothing about anything or how to handle situations because so use to you being their voice or reason?

I love this quote by Adler, “The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Thyra Boldes once wrote of Adler that he was real, whether he was joking or serious, whether in private discussion or lectures, his real personality always seemed to say, Life is holy. Have reverence for life. Everything, which happens, is important.

The reason I speak about Adler is because as a child he was a very sickly kid which caused him great embarrassment and pain. These early encounters with diseases and mischances likely record for his hypothesis of organ inadequacy and were the establishment for his speculations on mediocrity emotions.

As per Adler, “Every individual has a frail territory in his or her body – organ mediocrity, which has a tendency to be the zone where ailment happens, for example, the stomach, head, heart, back, lungs, and so forth.”

Adler said ” That to some degree each feeling discovers expression in the body.”

From his comprehension of organ mediocrity, Adler started to see every person as having a sentiment inadequacy.

Adler composed, To be a person intends to feel oneself sub-par. The kid appears on the scene as a defenseless little animal encompassed by intense grown-ups.

A kid is propelled by sentiments of mediocrity to take a stab at more prominent things. Those sentiments of inadequacy enact a man to endeavor upward so that ordinary sentiments of mediocrity induce the individual to take care of his or her issues effectively, though the feeling of inadequacy blocks or keeps one from doing as such.

This is where the Adlerian Theory comes to mind.

Adler developed a theory of personality based upon:

  • Inferiority feelings and inferiority complex,
  • Striving for superiority
  • Style of life
  • Social interest
  • Family constellation
  • Fictional finalism
  • The creative self
  • Masculine protest
  • The interpretation of dreams
  • Theory of psychotherapy.

The solidly healthy individual will endeavor to conquer his or her mediocrity through contribution with society.

I will never forget when a little girl how my grandmother took me on public transportation and talked to me as we rode different places and boy, do I ever thank my grandmother for exposing me to all kinds  of situations that could possibly occur while being in the public. In other words, I thank my parents for allowing my grandmother to take me places which they ordinarily would drive me or would say were not safe to be.  I also appreciated going to the mall with my grandmother not to shop, but to sit and just watch, talk and see all kinds of different people with all kinds of different appearances, circumstances, etc. It also allowed me to realize that all people are basically the same, but it allowed me to think and know that I am not the only person who may look, or even be different, which is not a bad thing at all. It also taught me that I was not better than anyone else and we never know what walks of life people have endured. Most of all it made me aware of how to be okay when around all kinds of people from all walks of life and how to be just me, my same outgoing friendly typed child who smiled and spoke to each person I saw! It also was a good feeling and by smiling can cheer myself up as well as for others! That was my grandmother Carrie for sure and she spoke to everybody and kept that smile on her face. I looked up to her a lot and watched very closely what and how she did this!

One is worried about the welfare of others and also oneself and grows positive sentiments of self-esteem and confidence. Then again, some are more worried with childishness than with social hobby. They may express this childishness in a need to rule, to decline to participate, needing to take and not to give. From these unfortunate reactions, the individual builds up a feeling of inadequacy or a predominance complex. A predominance complex is a concealment for a feeling of inadequacy. They are diverse sides of the same coin. The individual with the predominance complex has shrouded questions about his or her capacities.

Click here to view a short video of Alfred Adler, June 17, 1929.

“Connection before Correction” means in laymen term is that:  Extensive research shows that we cannot influence children in a positive way until we create a connection with them. It is a brain (and heart) thing. Sometimes we have to stop dealing with the misbehavior and first heal the relationship.

This is why I don’t understand why psychology is not taught earlier on in schools and would help increasingly while the child are growing to understand things more logically. Psychology also allows them to ask questions, be a part of participating and will also increase their thinking abilities. We the parents truly should be allowing our kids to think for themselves beginning at home! This is just my opinion but feel that teaching when in high school or even college is way too late! It most of all helps the teacher and she gets to know her students and they get to know him/her also.

Teaching psychology borrows a lot of theories from another subfield called developmental psychology, which studies how people change over the course of their life, from infancy to older adulthood. For example, educational psychology will be able to help teachers decide how abstract or concrete their lessons need to be, depending on how old their students are.

According to this they state, “For younger children, abstract concepts might be more difficult to understand.” I totally disagree and think quite the opposite and children are way smarter than we allow them to be and this is why it should be taught earlier on rather than later in life!  As a matter of fact, what we can learn from them would be most beneficial and we need to allow our kids to explore expressing themselves and not correcting them before allowing them the connection of being free to think for themselves!

From “Durbin, Paul G.. “Introduction to Alfred Adler.(President’s Corner)(Biography).” Subconsciously Speaking. Infinity Institute International, Inc. 2004. Retrieved December 22, 2008 from


Or we looking for blame in this world or are we looking for solutions?

Do you think that our country are good at portraying and writing about blame?

Do we look for blame too much?

What if we did a study with some children and put a group of kids together and put cookies out  and somebody stole one of the cookies?

What if instead of knowing who took the cookies we instead talked about solutions to why we maybe should not have taken the cookies?

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